Monday, July 23, 2012

Sing me a lullaby

I forgot to bring my diary back, so no more diary blogging for this episode.

And urm.. I also don't want to talk about the Friday the 13th. It's gone, so let it passed.

Today I'm going to talk about, her again.
"Omg her again!? Why do your blog always have to be about her? Why do your life always have to be revolving around her, man?"
Then again, this is probably the last time I'm going to blog about her.

Because, she might have a boyfriend already. Or she might have already like another guy. I'm guessing it's the Mr. K.
Actually I thought about it. -What if she have a boyfriend?- But the answer was always, "It doesn't matter." I always thought that she's just an obsession, an infatuation. Something short term. More of an addiction but not love.

But it turns out it isn't just that. Not love probably. I don't know.
I'm too sensitive. Too sensitive to cry at the spiderman movie, where spiderman was shot and he still continues to run forward, jumping off the building. Too sensitive to cry during toy story movie, where buzz lightyear and woody pride were forced to be given away. Too sensitive to cry on a book about an innocent man dying for something he didn't do. And that girl that got raped (in that book) and killed soon after.

Okay I'm going out of point. Anyway, I need to stop looking so desperate. I need to start to think about myself.

Maybe only people who smokes can find themselves a date.

Maybe if I were to have an imaginary girlfriend, I would be happier.
In law classes, they say some drugs can cause hallucination. Can they make me imagine I'm being with her? Even if it is just for a moment?

And last saturday I realize I've always been alone. I might have a lot of soccer buddies in primary school, or sms buddies in secondary school, or a girlfriend in college or going out with a friend every book out from camp, but in reality, I'm really all alone by my own. They won't want to add me in to any of their activities. The secret whisperings going on within people, I'm never a part of it.
Be it cyberworld or real life, friends are someone who will come running for you when you're in trouble right? Apparently I don't have one.
And I keep on surrounding myself with people, to be a part of the norm. But I never could.

People will always pick someone else over me.

But I never regret doing those things at all though. Soccer buddies let me be the leader of the group. A gang. And I always walk at the very front of the group, or else alone. Gives me a sense of superiority. And I go around bullying people. -.-
Sms buddies doesn't talk to me in real life. But they come in a large amount. If you don't have quality, go for quantity right? So yeah. There's always someone to message/call. Someone to keep me company until the darkest night.
Girlfriend there can only be one. But what more can you ask for, when you can find solace in someone else's arm. Someone to tell you that you meant an important part to her and vice versa. To have your life/heart entrusted to someone. To have no responsibility. Don't need to save keep your money, your school work, e.g. cos you already have someone to share it to.
Or friends who are just there, as bored as you do. Walking around streets of orchard. Chit chatting about girls/guys. Complaining to each other about stuffs. Doing stuffs like what a date would be. And then disappear for a month before either one of us gets bored again.

Oh just now I went northpoint with asmita and keith. Spend shit loads of money (to me it is a lot) and didn't really talk crap this time. Next time, I'm going to sleep more before going out on a trip with friends.

bye.

posted by Loner at 3:47 AM

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