Sunday, July 8, 2012

Cowardice

The best thing NS gives you, is that they help you find yourself.
The past, the present, and what you're about to become.

I somehow understand that I'm somewhat a coward, be it last time or the present and probably in the future.

I never wanted to go anywhere alone. I'm afraid of being alone.
And I've been made to walk my own path, do my own stuff when I'm like.. 10?

My parents just stop caring about me. Not that they cared a lot before that anyway.

And I realize, all the routes I had taken, all the decision I made for myself, be it something as simple and as trivial as what I like to eat, to something as important as what school I want to go to, or the subject I want to take is just to follow a person.

Even now. Even now. The decision of retaining, the decision of what course I would like to take in uni is all up to me. AND YET.

My entire life is just chasing after a random somebody. Always insecure. Always not knowing what to do. Always depending on others EVEN THOUGH I was forced to be independent since... I don't know how long. AND YET I tried to portray myself to be not that desperate. Always dumping everything down when I thought I became too dependent over them. Which I already have. Too late.

Do you know how... disgraceful it is? To finally understand the life that you lived with. Your entire life. Isn't yours to begin with? Since the start, I always wonder why, when did I start to become like this. To be autistic, unwilling to talk to people, not being able to smile.
But now I realize that I didn't "start to become like this" because I've been that way from the very beginning!

Well, the good thing is, it's better to realize it now then later right? At least now I can still right the wrong before I pass on.

Oh and let me as you a little question you single reader out there. Let's say you are dying soon, but not that soon. Maybe after 2-3 years, enough time for you to do most of the things in life, like getting married, get a degree education, travel around the world etc etc. What would be your life philosophy? I mean, what would you prioritize: Money? Love? Kinship? Friendship? Pleasure? What would you be doing in your remaining years?

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NS life is okay. Except for some people..

I can't believe someone would want to show off their... thing in the washroom. Wash their... thing... in the sink after they pee.. First time I see it. And it is..... really small.
I mean if it's big then I would've understand why he wanted the attention but, seriously??

Oh and for the law classes, we started on rape cases lol.
Do you know that woman raping guys are not a crime?
A public display of affection is actually an arrestable offence?
Girls can actually sue guys for outrage of modesty for the word "bitch"?
Girls cannot refuse sex from their husband?

and etc etc etc.

And the usual holes in the law system.

lol

posted by Loner at 10:50 PM

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