Monday, May 21, 2012

To myself

LONGGGGG time never post alreadyyy and I miss posting stuffs. It's the only place I can freely say the things I wanna say and let go of things I wanna let go. Even better. Nobody's coming to my blog nowwwwwww.

Oh yes. Updates on my life. Life has been sucky lately.

I was so motivated some-time last week, for a short while. A thought hit me. If I want to confess to her, I must become even better. A better guy. Coz, now, I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am botak, ugly, empty wallet, blur face, yellow teeth, armpit hair, big tummy, and so on. So, I can't tell her that I love her, and expect something out of it right?? I mean what was I even thinking man. She will say "oh great I love you too. Let's go out together tomorrow or something!". No? That ain't happening. Miracles don't just happen. You make it happen.

It's kinda funny, and sick.. how I do push ups, sit-ups beside her picture, where all my bunk mates can see. But I don't care what they think. She's my obsession.

Anyway the day after that, something really bad happen. And somehow, I get all swallow up on self-pity again. Seriously. That's why I envy guys that have a 'drive' to MAKE something happen. People like her laang or sher wen. Okay maybe sher wen is not a really good example. Whatever. So they have this determination. The confidence in themselves which I really lack.

So back to the demotivational part.
I got so swallow up in self-pity that I become mad at every single thing.
Maybe people around me somehow changed me. I stop talking like how "she" did when she's angry or really sad. I have no idea why I do that. I just did!
Failed IPPT. I was so close. 13 min for 2.4, 10.6 sec for run, 5 for chin up, 210 for SBJ
AND FOR THE SIT UP IT IS THE MACHINE SPOIL. F-er.
Well, it's not like I can pass if I happen to pass sit-ups anyway... so it's okay.
RAWR. Why am I so sucky.

Oh yes, and I wanted to post my body picture on my blog. I wonder if it is okay. Since no one is looking at it anymore and erm. z. I'll warn ya when I post it yeah.

Oh yes I fall out in the NDP. for the first time. I just dunwan to do it anymore.

I feel like I can never be good enough for her.

That's the thing when you like someone. She became so perfect that you are imagining she might deserve better.

Sigh.

No one even care about me right now. No one.
Currently, I live FOR MYSELF AND ONLY MYSELF.
Law test, defence tactic test, life saving test, driving test, firearm test. FK. THE TESTS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. I am suppose to be in NS DAMMIT!

posted by Loner at 3:26 AM

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